drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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