Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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