Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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