Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
