On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
