Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
