Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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