have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
