I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
