I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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