i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
