yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
