you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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