her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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