he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
