when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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