Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i think im in europe. pls send help
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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