He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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