I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Randomize
