somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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