I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
