So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
