Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
