She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
