I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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