dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
