How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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