Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
