yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
