There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
