In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Found the puke drawer
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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