Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it's great music for shaving your balls
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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