someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
