I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
