if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
