You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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