My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
