i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
