I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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