You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I can tuck mytits in my pants
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
