Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
