So gin and wine won't be happening again
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
