The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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