Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
