Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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