So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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