at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
