I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
