Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
