Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
