And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
