Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
